jueves, abril 14, 2005

7 teen ways

El bonito de Germán me llamó en horarios de oficina, horarios en los que no puedo usar el celular... Le dije una mala palabra y me contestó: " Te van a despedir!" y despues me mando un mail con "50 formas de perder tu trabajo"-
A continuación transcribo las 17 que más me hicieron hacer sonidos extaños que quedaron peor que si directamente hubiera dejado escapar una carcajadita pero no me podia reir tan abiertamente en frente de mis jefes entonces salieron esos sonidos:

17. The J - E – W
When your boss enters your office while you are on the phone, quickly wrap up the call with, “I'm gonna have to call you later. The J - E - W is back.”

16. The Worm
Store live bait in the refrigerator with a price tag. When confronted, ask how much they want. Then when they insist you remove it, deny having put it there, and get angry at the implication.

15. The Switcheroo
Repeatedly change your boss' homepage to farmgirls.com, and then put a repair request into the IT department from his email.

14. The Ma Fratelli
Take whatever money you have in your pocket and make B&W copies of the bills on the office copy machine while laughing manically and repeating, “It’s too fucking easy…”

13. The Elephant
Walk around the office with your pockets out and your cock dangling from your open zipper. When confronted, make an elephant noise and then chase them around screaming, "STAMPEDE" and laughing hysterically.

12. The Baby Talker
Communicate with your coworkers only in baby talk. "Baby wanna status report... aww goochie goochie. Baby smells poopy."

11. The Sales Opportunity
If someone tries soliciting candy for one of their kid's fund raising endeavors, just tell them the following, "No thanks, but have your kid talk to me if they want to make some "REAL money." Then just sit there rubbing your lap over and over, smiling.

10. The Diaper
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.

9. The Email Guy
The next time you get a phone call, smash your phone to pieces on your desk. If anybody questions it say, “I'm more of an email guy”.

8. The Turbo and Ozone
Set a fire. Then breakdance. When they ask you why you're break dancing, say that the sign said “In case of fire, break dance.” When they tell you that the sign actually said, “In case of fire, break glass,” tell them you panicked because of the fire.

7. The Fredo
Arrive at work early and hide under your boss' desk. When the boss arrives, do nothing but hide for the first three hours. Then roll up his pants so slowly he doesn't notice. Then lick his shin. After he finishes freaking out and asks you what the hell you're doing, tell him that he's crazy, and that you have no idea what he’s talking about. Do the “screws loose” gesture with your hands, and then kiss him on the mouth and say, "You broke my heart."

6. The Cotton Mouth
Stare at your coworkers and lick your lips sensually. Do this until someone asks you what your problem is. Then, matter of factly explain that your mouth is dry because of all the "nose candy."

5. The Lunch Break
Announce that it is time for lunch, then pull out a bottle of bourbon and a bong.

4. The Korean Niece
On bring your daughter to work day, bring a Korean whore and tell everybody she's your “niece.”

3. The Hasselhoff
Explain that where you come from, a Speedo and an unbuttoned shirt is considered "business casual."
* God, any excuse to use this photo. Hasselhoff, you handsome bastard.

2. The Finger Licking Good
Whenever you leave the employee bathroom, rather than washing your hands, lick your fingers like you just had a delicious meal.

1. The Creepy Laugher
Spend all day surfing funny websites and trying to hide your laughter from your coworkers who hate you because they are doing some real work.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Mateo piensa que...

Cambiar la foto de la familia de tu jefe por una de vos en mundo marino.

14/4/05 7:14 p.m.  
Blogger Gugú piensa que...

juaaaa, no tengo fotos mias en mundo marino... (!)

15/4/05 12:55 p.m.  

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